Political Basketball

The college basketball Final Four is at hand. Let’s play political basketball:

First take a trash can and place it anywhere. If you have one of those basketball hoops with the backboard that goes over a trash can even better.

Then get eight sheets of paper and a pen.

Take the first sheet of paper, write down “Liberal” and ball it up. Go down the lane to the left and either lay it off your backboard left-handed or finger-roll it into the hoop.

On the next sheet write down “Conservative,” ball it up and do the same on the right with your right hand.

With the next piece of paper, we are going to write down “Blue.” We are going to ball that one up, head to the left and take a left-handed hook shot.

Then we are going to write “Red” on paper and make a ball of it. With that one we will take a right-handed hook shot from the right side.

Sheet number five will have “Left-wing” written on it then crumpled. This one will be taken to the left side of the court, and we will take a left-handed jump shot with it. If you think you can make it take a three-pointer.

Our sixth sheet will have “Right-wing” written on it and taken to the right side of the court for shooting right-handed. Again, if you can knock down a three-pointer do it.

Keep shooting until every ball goes into the basket.

Our final two sheets will be the political parties.

Take the word “Democrat.” Write it down and ball it up. Go to the left of the basket and dunk it left-handed.

The eighth and final sheet will have the word “Republican” written on it. Take that wad to the right side and dunk it right-handed.   

Now, take the full trash can and a pair of scissors to the nearest garbage bin, dumpster or whatever.

When you get there, act like it’s your moment to cut down the nets after winning the championship. Take each piece of paper that is in the can out one by one. Take your scissors and cut them any way you want. Put each piece of paper in the garbage bin, dumpster or whatever. Then vow to never use these labels again.

When the trash can is empty hold it up in triumph. For you are now free of every political label that has been given to you and that you have given others.

And when people ask you whose side you are on say, “The side of the highest God. His beliefs are my beliefs.”